The Russian made movie, Guardians, has been on my to watch list for a while now. So, finally, when it is too hot to do anything but sit around doing nothing, I thought it was the best time to dust off TubiTV and watch it. I had heard it is like a Russian B-movie Avengers rip-off, which the movie is for the most part. But Guardians has one thing the Avengers never had. A Bearman.
I have a thing for bears, I am a bear person. I may even identify as a bear one day. But for now, I have a love of this amazing animal, who eats salmon, contemplates life, and can claw your face off. So, even though Guardians is mostly set-up to a confusing story with very little payoff, the scenes where a man turns into a bear-man sold me on every second of this movie. Because of his Bearcanthropy, he has so many forms. He can be a regular old human, boo, a bear-man, so like the wolfman but a bear, and the best form, the ultimate total bear. The total bear is easily the best form because he can be ridden into battle, a battle bear. Let me also mention that as a bear-man, he gets a Gatling gun as well as his claws. Then, as a total bear, the gun pack on his back turns into an automatically firing Gatling turret! I have no idea why this movie bothered to have any other characters in it.
Yes, there was more to this than just the bear. The plot revolves around a disgraced mad Russian scientist who used to experiment on people to make them into super-powered soldiers. When the government found out the experiments were stopped. Which is the first confusing thing in this film. I feel like Putin would be totally into super-soldier style invisible ladies who ride bears into battle. When said scientist returns as a super buffed out potato man, who looks a bit like a bald Alex Winters, and does dastardly things to Moscow, the Guardians initiative is started. They collect the four guardians, Rock guy, Lady in the Water, Ninja Man, and The Bear. All these names come from me and aren't used in the movie. In perfect team fashion, they get involved in some fights, which they promptly lose. Then after some training, heart to heart chats, and new equipment, they go fight the big, bad potato man and lose again. Yet when all is lost, they learn to channel all their power through each other, making a superpower bullet that destroys everything. They use it on the bad guy, and voila, success.
I am still lost on why they didn't use the bear to its fullest potential. Plus, with no one caring or even knowing about this movie, there will be no sequel. No more bear riding. No more Gatling gun bear men. Just regular old super soldiers. Boo!
For what it's worth, Guardians is as goofy as it is entertaining. With a short runtime, and no need to explain anything, the movie is good, bad movie fun. It's shoddy CGI, terrible acting, and the nonsensical story just adds to that fun. It's hard to understand what's going on and why at any time, but it doesn't matter. Guardians has everything needed to be quality entertainment. A Bear man, bear with guns, bear riding...everything.