More bite power than Jaws! More sharktitude than Deep Blue Sea! Plus, one more head than 2 Headed Shark Attack! It's 3 Headed Shark Attack!!!
This is what you get when you let The Asylum become the sole bad monster movie maker for the SYFY channel. On the bright side, not only does the movie feature an extra shark head, but Danny Trejo and Rob Van Dam are along for the ride. Well, at least the last half of the ride. Don't be fooled by the poster says starring Trejo and Van Dam, neither of them shows up until at least the halfway point, and in Trejo's case, he disappears again for a while until reappearing to machete some shark heads. I mean that he literally machetes shark heads, it wasn't just a quick reference to his character Machete.
We start the movie in an undersea lab that looks a lot like an office building with a green screen in the windows. Here we meet the shark bait of a cast who explains to us that they built this lab in an area that is super high in pollution on purpose. They want to study the changes in sea life caused by garbage being thrown into the water. Of course, to do this, they built a giant structure under the water which, in turn, displaced a ton of natural sea life in its wake. Activism!!! Anyways, the marine life has been mutating because of all the Pabst beer cans, and so the 3 Headed Shark comes to be. At least, unlike its predecessor, 3 Headed Shark Attack has tried a bit harder to explain why the shark is mutated. Anyways, it rampages against the lab, sinking it, and chomping down on the cast. Here, most of the characters we have met so far get eaten, and the movie moves on to cast number two. Which just happens to be a group of partyers onboard an old dilapidated ocean-bound riverboat. Then the movie just rinses and repeats.
Honestly, I could go through the whole plot, but you know what happens. A mutated Shark eats people. Also, whenever a woman in a tiny bikini is about to fall into the water, Rob Van Dam shows up to help her. Which may be the most accurate thing in this film. Are you a cute girl in a bikini, who is drinking and smoking the lettuce of the devil? Are you now suddenly in danger? Well, don't worry, Rob Van Dam is here to save you and then smoke your pot. It's his superpower.
The shark actually looked a lot better in this film than the last. The CGI is still crap, but better crap. It's like a half polished turd. The acting is the same quality, as Van Dam and Trejo don't add a ton of pedigree to the cast, but overall it makes for a solid and entertaining watch. This one is also a bit more PG, as it was made for, or at least cut for television. There are still a lot of fun moments of shark attackery to be had though.
If you have seen the first one, odds are you are going to watch this one too, and you will probably find the same enjoyment or hatred that 2 Headed Shark Attack gave you. If you are new to terrible shark movies, you could do worse than this one. I mean, as long as you watch it with friends and drinks from a safe distance...for the virus, not sharks.