What better way to open July's Shark Bites series of shark horror movies than a film that has double the bite of a normal shark movie, 2 Headed Shark Attack. It's a movie Made by everyone's favorite terrible movie-making machine, The Asylum. The "plot" sees Carmen Electra as a sunbathing doctor and Brooke Hogan as a no-nonsense college student who is afraid of the water because she once saw a shark. She feels the only way to get over that fear is with a semester at sea. These two, as well as a group of chums...see what I did there, have to deal with a giant rampaging two-headed shark. Also, the island or atoll they are on is sinking...because. Can they survive? Why is the island they are on sinking? Why do people think college girls all want to make out with each other? These questions are never answered in 2-Headed Shark Attack!
Honestly, this movie plays out exactly as you figure it would. They have enough college kids in the class to keep the carnage constant, and more bikinis than a generic sex comedy with bikini in its name. Although Bikini Shark Attack would be a good movie title. Carmen Electra shows off her "acting" skills as she plays a doctor who spends most of her time split between sunbathing in a bikini and yelling "Get out of the Goddamn water!" The ship they are on, the Sea King, is an American educational vessel whose sole purpose is to help bikini-clad, and muscle-bound college students learn about sextants. That is the one thing they learn about before wrecking their own ship and being forced to sit on an island that is sinking.
The shark itself is terrible CGI, which never looks good. Weirdly enough though, there are a few rares scenes where they seemed to have made a bad, but completely awesome looking shark head as a practical effect. It looks like Jaws, but shit. I loved those scenes just for the cheese factor that you don't get from bad CGI. Also, we all know that the calling card of an Asylum movie is bad CGI, so the shark's looks are fitting. Being the monster of the film, the shark eats constantly, smashes boats, and kills anything floating in the water for shark-related reasons. Maybe it's doubly hungry because of the second head, or it may just be constantly angry from being a hideous abomination. Eventually, as all things do, it explodes. By that I mean they blow up one head, and then through the magic of bad CGI and lack of plot, the rest of the shark goes near a boat with gasoline in it and explodes. It makes about as much sense as you would expect.
2 Headed Shark Attack is mildly entertaining. It can get dull really quick, with the shark kills spaced out between bikini scenes and girls making out. I mean, it's all fun and good watching Carmen Electra sunbathe for minutes on end, but it doesn't really help move things along. Still, you are getting exactly what this title says you are going to. A two-headed shark who murders people. So, if that's you're thing, this will be a treat.