It's the Slender Man!!!!
The slenderest of men, and a man of the slender variety, who slenders around being a man. If that sentence seems like I am stalling, well, it's because I am. See, I just finished watching Slender Man moments before starting to write this review and to be honest, I just don't remember a lot about it. It's a really by the numbers teen horror flick. Popular kids disappear, and the town they lived in moves on without them kind of thing. Since that would be too short of a review, let me ramble through some stuff here.
I know very little about Slender Man as a creation. I think he came from a Creepypasta story, and was made into a video game, while also having some real-life implications which lead to some girls actually dying. I would look into to that all, but since this movie is kind of its own thing, I am going to try to piece together what the Slender Man is, and is about solely from my weak memories of this movie alone.
Slender Man is a Bio-electric being...I think that's what they said he was. I am not sure what they mean by that, but he can commandeer some serious cell phone signals in this. He needs to be summoned, Candy Man, or Bloody Mary style, but in doing so, he also needs you to sacrifice something you love for him to show. Honestly, for what he brings to the table, this seems like he may be asking for too much. After giving up your time and something you love, he eventually drives you mad with dreams and turns you into a tree. I am not sure why, or what he is, what his motives are, nor why he evolved to wear a suit. I mean, is it a naturally occurring suit all slender men get, or was he fitted for it? Is there a whole slender man nation with an abducted child-based economy that is used just for buying suits? Maybe he is just an angry tree...This movie is bad.
Whatever you think of the monster here, not revealing even a little bit about his purpose, turns him into a faceless creature. Well, I guess that's what he is, but it's not all that interesting. Slender Man feels like he exists for the sake of needing a villain in this film. It seemed so easy for the characters in this to hit up Google, and in a single search uncover a pattern of missing children, accompanied by hundreds of articles, pictures, videos, and sightings of the Slender Man. One girl even finds actual books, not this digital crap, but real books in a library, written years before her time. Also, the most unbelievable scenes were seeing teens from 2019 going to a library in their spare time to study. Anyways, with the number of missing kids in such a short amount of time, you figure someone would look into this creature that seems to be extremely easy to find.
Then there are the adult reactions to actual missing persons, mental illness, and suicides in their town. And by reactions I mean nothing, they adults do nothing, they could care less. What, my daughter stopped going to school and sits in her room staring out the window and screaming at the woods? I am sure she's fine, she's just a bit under the weather. My daughter wanders the woods at night in a trance? Well, that's normal for girls her age. A large group of teen girls has gone missing or taken ill in a week or so, should we investigate? Nah, I'm sure they'll turn up completely fine.
I could go on, but I am done with this movie. It's boring, weak, poorly written, and just the blandest of the Bland. Save yourself the time and skip Slender Man.