This may surprise you, but I am not a fan of the Lifetime movie. I know, I know, it seems so weird that someone like Das Bob, who loves horror, D&D, bad movies, and nerdy crap, would not be into films made to be wholesome on purpose. Then CraveTV, a Canadian streaming service made me aware of Zombie at 17, a Lifetime made for TV movie about zombies, murder, and eating animal brains. This may be as horror-filled as a Lifetime movie will get, so I figured, why not, I have nothing better to do, let's watch this crap!
Zombie at 17 is about a girl named Tia and how she was bitten by a cat infected with a neurotoxin that turns people slowly into zombies. That cat is only in one scene, so don't get your hopes up. She is also still dealing with the death of her sister from a hit and run driver when she was ten. That death of her sister plays into the trauma of turning into a zombie, and really the whole movie is about moving past old trauma. Still, there is also a kid you meet once who is accidentally murdered by an evil man/older teen/manchild. Honestly, his age was unguessable. Summation, Zombie cat bites Tia, her sister was killed when she was ten, and a "friend" of hers was murdered.
While I actually didn't mind the zombie plot, as it probably went as far into this type of story that Lifetime would accept, the murder plot was less believable. I am still wrapping my head around the idea that a guy lent an acquaintance three thousand dollars to help him through hard times. Then not too long after, he caught said friend partying at a club because it was someone's birthday. Mad at this apparent betrayal and edged on by his girlfriend, this man-boy kicks the guy to death after he refuses to give his Mustang to him. This whole sequence seems to be written by someone who has never had money troubles. Everyone is well dressed, young, and seemingly has three grand to give away to friends in need at the drop of a hat. But they are also willing to become an anger-filled killer because he hasn't seen any of his money back in three months. Hey man, if I need three thousand dollars to just pay my bills, odds are I won't be able to pay you back. I don't know why this bothered me so much. I think it has to do with it making a movie about zombies seem disconnected from reality. I know that sounds wrong, but the zombie parts seemed more accurate. Well, that and a bit racist.
See, the reason the neurotoxin turned the kids into zombies is that the scientist created it from a sample he got on a trip to Haiti. It was a super special voodoo toxin. Only made by them Haitians and their fancy voodoo culture. It does feel more like ignorant stereotyping, but that doesn't make it better. I will say the Lifetime zombie must have stretched what the channel would show on TV. Tia stabs herself repeatedly to show off how she doesn't bleed. She eats raw animal brains until her mom learns shes a zombie, and they have some wholesome mom daughter dinner time making breaded cow brains. It's a funny sequence as her mom doesn't skip a beat and wants to let Tia take her time in deciding to go to the doctor. Also, by the end of the film, she is cured by a drug made basically overnight from her blood. As for the murder stuff, I kind of tuned out when it went down. It mostly consisted of Tia getting shot, and then having to feed on animal brains and broccoli to gain her humanity back.
Honestly, this could have been a lot worse. As I mentioned, this is about as horror as a lifetime can probably get. So, I give it an A for effort, but an F for failing overall. I have seen a lot worse small budget zombie films than this, so I can say, while I wouldn't recommend Zombie at 17, it is a lot easier to get through than I thought it would be.