As you can tell by the amazingly crap quality of this compilation, that I took this snapshot myself, and I also suck at taking pictures. Nonetheless, Craptacular Compilations is back with its first-ever non-horror movie set in the very specifically named Epicenter + 7 Bonus Movies!
Marvel at the literal seconds it must have taken to think of that name for their collection. I mean, it is sheer genius that they took the movie with the most recognizable cast, and then added seven more films as a bonus. These people are doing God's work.
You might think I may be going overboard with this, as it is just a dollar bin set. But remember that the cover is the only advertising this thing is going to get. If I look at this and think, "Hey, they couldn't even be bothered to think of a name for this, then why should I bother buying it?" I know I did buy it, but that doesn't make it right.
Anyways, this set features a set of action and disaster movies that were basically made for TV or direct to video. So, that might give you another hint at the quality of this set. Still, are there any hidden gems on here? Is Epicenter and 7 random films worth your dollar? Let's rank them, starting with the worst first as always, and find out.
8. Escape From Alaska
When a movie starts with a rating screen that says, "Rated PG-13 for disaster-related action and peril," you know you are in for a good time.
Escape From Alaska is a dull and meandering tale about running oil pipelines in Alaska. About eleven minutes into the film, they kill off a character with an avalanche, which is pretty much the last bit of action you see until the very end of the movie. The rest of the film is a terrible drama about a woman who lost her husband, and how that husband's best friend tries to help her heal by saying things like "It's been two years, let it go." and "Say his name! SAY IT!!!!"
This was also known as Avalanche, which is a more fitting name for the film, as they never try too, or even need to escape Alaska itself. I will say the movie's confusing and hilariously bad ending is entertaining but doesn't make up for the rest of this mess.
7. The Day The Sky Exploded
Watching The Day The Sky Exploded was like watching real-life authorities deal with a disaster scenario. See, in other movies, we send a rocket ship filled with misfit heroes to the meteors to blow them up by hand, all the while listening to Aerosmith. But, in this movie, we watch people in command centers sit around planning, followed by yelling numbers and meaningless statistics to each other. Then we get the diluted version of the events in the newspaper the next day. Of course, the accurate comparison for this time would be random people's opinions about it on Twitter. Then those opinions eventually turn into a hate speech filled argument about why The Last Jedi was the best or worst film of all time. SCIENCE!
For an eighty-minute runtime, The Day The Sky Exploded drags its ass to the finish line. The movie consists mostly of newspaper headlines, people talking on the radio, and more exposition than you can shake a stick at. The odd time we get to see the scientists, it's either to hear how amazing his nuclear missile is, or when they are sexually harassing female scientists. To be honest, if they remembered they had nuclear bombs an hour sooner, this movie would only be 20 minutes. Even then it would feel long.
6. To Survive
Look, I know I can be hard on lower budget indie films. There are even times that I feel like I may be expecting too much from first-time filmmakers or people without the financial means to make films. That being said, there is a good reason for that. I do feel that even with a tiny budget, you can make a good film. Well written dialogue, compelling characters, and a solid story go a lot farther than high-end special effects. I am bringing this up during To Survive for two reasons. One, while this film isn't amazing, I don't think it's that bad and two, this is some creative padding because the movie is pretty straight forward.
To Survive feels like a shorter and lower budget The Road more than anything else. It's quiet, bleak, and about learning to survive while finding redemption and happiness in the harshest of times. There isn't a ton of dialogue, but there isn't a need for it either. The problem is, To Survive doesn't really go anywhere. It's a month in this one survivor's life, with a bit of light character growth. While never offending, the movie just wanders over old ground and meanders into a non-ending. I didn't feel like it needed to be longer, as I think the shorter runtime worked. I would have just liked more content.
5 - Slipstream
As a person of nerdy tastes, it kind of bugs me that an '80s science fiction movie starring Mark Hamill and Bill Paxton is as bland and dull as Slipstream. It kind of reminded me of the movie Solarbabies, but with more airplanes and less magic water balloons. The pair would make for a good double feature if they weren't so boring.
The plot sees Hamill and Paxton duke it out over an android that just wants to get to android heaven. With Bill Paxton being the world-weary guy who is convinced of the good of machines, and Hamill filling the villainous role. The movie is one long, meandering chase scene with a few stop-offs at post-apocalyptic trope cities. It all culminates in a goofy dogfight and explosion reel.
I admit that Slipstream might not be as bad as I think it is. I think my hope for it was too high, and instead of Aliens Vs Star Wars, I got this instead.
4 - The Chain Reaction
Local nuclear waste facility "WALDO" just had a major spill that is going to enter the water table of the nearby city. Of course, Big nuclear waste is trying to cover it up. Typical. Now, only irradiated engineer Heinrich Schmidt can stop the local goons from big nuclear waste and save the day!
The Chain Reaction is a film that makes you wonder why a nuclear waste storage facility bothers having a president. Let alone an evil one that can hire goons to kill and keep people all quiet-like. I mean, if the local town gets radiation poisoning all of a sudden, it's not like the townsfolk would ignore the waste facility nearby when trying to find the culprit.
Anyways, it doesn't take long to figure out that this movie is more about car chases, mute assassins, and hardcore nuclear waste goons than anything else. Which is good, because they stretched a thin plot over 90 minutes, so there needed to be some fun stuff to fill in those gaps.
I liked this more than I should have, even with the attempt to stretch a ten-minute plot of ninety minutes. It made things a bit over-complicated, which took away from the fun. I'd still recommend it to Ozploitation fans, even just for the uncredited Mel Gibson cameo at the beginning.
3 - Militia
Oh, Jim Wynorski, you can't fool me when you call yourself Jay Andrews. I can tell your brand of filmmaking even on a bad day.
In Militia, Dean Cain plays Agent Ethan Carter, the most ineffectual hero that the action movie scene has ever had. He's a sniper, who misses his first three shots in the movie, and then when told to kill a guy, he hits his shoulder. Carter is also sexist, smug, and pretty much useless at anything but memorizing what someone just typed on a keyboard. This memorization skill is why they paired him up with the homeland terrorist he shot earlier to infiltrate a splinter group. What ensues is people saying "America" a lot, gunfights, helicopter rides, betrayal, and some fancy keyboard memorization that saves AMERICA! Action QWERTY!
To be honest, Militia was a lot better than I thought it'd be. It's still kind of dumb, somewhat generic, and a bit confusing, but I still had some fun with it. So if you like explosions and keyboard-based action, then I think you'll get some mileage out of Militia.
2 - Fire From Below
As much as I can harp on Jim Wynorski, I still enjoy watching the films he has made. Even the movies he made post-2000 that are sometimes on the verge of being unwatchable. This love of his badness is what got me excited for Fire From Below. Which is a movie he somewhat directs which stars everyone's favorite Half-Christain, Half-Greek God, Kevin Sorbo. Other than the obvious, what's not to like about this pairing?
Sorbo plays a college football star/seismologist who has to stop a new type of Lithium from engulfing everything wet in the world. Yup, this fire seeks out and burns only the wettest of things, leading to some hilarious explosions mixed with bathroom humor.
The first half of this had me thinking it was going to end up in "so bad it's good" territory. Sadly the film struggles to keep the entertainment going into the second half. Gone are the people who exploded because they urinated onto the fire lithium, and they are replaced with some serious "acting" and a cliched plot. I can watch those cliche disasters in countless films guys, I need more exploding outhouses, boats, and people.
I say, watch for the laughs, and be sad when they go away. If you're not into that, I think you are safe skipping this movie.
1 - Epicenter
Yes, That Epicenter. The one meant to sell the compilation. It's a pretty fun movie. I am as shocked as the next person, even with the terrible acting, the terrible fire and earthquake effects, and a nonsense story, I still enjoyed myself.
Sure it looks like it's an early 90's movie made in the year 2000, but I have seen a lot worse from newer low budget films. This one at least has a few fun action sequences. They aren't anything new, and some may be direct shot for shot from other more famous action films, but who cares. I can watch a Russian gangster with his black partner in crime, chase down an out of control streetcar, as they try to kill Traci Lords, all the while bickering about who gets to drive the car any day. I also loved the cheesy dialogue, and how the strippers at the club seemed to get more clothes on the more they danced. I mean, they all started naked when Traci Lords got there, and then by the time she left, boom...clothes. I am not sure that is how stripping works, but what do I know.
It may be a bit sad that this is the best movie on this set, but there you have it Epicenter takes the prize.
The Findings.
This may be the first and only time a compilation's main film is the best one on the set. Which, of course, when you are talking about a set of bad action movies, the word best has some leeway to it.
If I am being honest, I think this set is pretty fun. Even the worst movies have some entertaining qualities, or at least one funny scene to laugh about. The quality difference between first place Epicenter and last place Escape From Alaska isn't that large, and you'll easily get some mileage from this set. Well, as long as you like goofy straight to DVD action films.
So, if you are out and see Epicenter + 7 Bonus movies on the shelf and are in the mood for some bad action, bad acting, and bad...um badness, then I say pick this one up. Unless it's over five bucks, then leave it be.