I think that it's a shame that no one has made a transformable racing car with the heart of a hero and named it Vin Diesel. I would watch every moment of a futuristic buddy cop movie where Vin Diesel rides around in Vin Diesel as they fight Robo-crime together. They could call it "Diesel Come, Diesel Go", or "Double Diesel" with the tag line "Double the Diesel, Double The Fun!" Putting my hopes and dreams aside, for now, let us talk about a movie that would fit right in 2003. That would be the Diesel vehicle (teehee) Bloodshot. Taken from the pages of Bloodshot, a comic in the Valiant-verse, Diesel plays an American soldier that was killed and brought back to life using nanotech. He starts by using this tech to get revenge on his, and his wife's killer, before the whole thing unravels as all is not what it seems at the sinister lab that controls the bots. Sounds a bit intriguing and also a bit Universal Soldier. It's also very bland. Its grey-toned look and simplistic style does little to help get the blood pumping like an action movie about an unstoppable killing machine should. Even when the character starts to use his nanotech powers, they come out as grey pixels floating around the grey space he occupies. His skin even starts to turn grey, when super hulked out. It's just so dull to watch. You'd hope this boring look would be mitigated a little bit by some solid characters and a good cast. Sadly that doesn't happen as the characters surrounding the muscle meat that is Bloodshot are just as uninspiring as the rest of the film. They only really convey one character trait worth noting so that is how I will classify them. There is tech guy for the good team and the bad team, love interest lady, and villain with henchmen. Everyone but Bloodshot are just window dressing without a modicum of life story attached to them. The lab the villain owns is the same way. Other than the nanotech they seem to be working on robotic prosthetics. I am only assuming that because everyone who works there seems to have one. The henchmen also keep getting different sciencey sci-fi gadgets, Suits and special ways to stop Bloodshot, which also has no mention or story. None of them explained beforehand, they just have them available for the fight scenes. Thinking about it now, even the main characters' powers are never fully explained. His nanobots heal him and give him better strength and stamina, but then they go into overdrive and his chest glows red. When this happens he is impervious to bullets, has hulk-like strength, and super speed. He was a soldier, so his hand to hand combat skill is high, but they never explained if the nanites make him a better soldier, or how he could beat both henchmen at the same time with one having four arms as they fall off an elevator. I mean, he is the hero so that's why, but I never really remember a time the movie goes through what he can actually achieve as Bloodshot. Since I had no idea this character existed before this movie, it was hard to understand what he really is and what he can do. I did feel a bit bad for Eiza Gonzalez, the actress who played the love interest. Any acting talent she has was wasted in this, as her character was there solely to walk around in super tight tights and fill in some stopgaps to how some people got to some places. Other than that, her being there was superfluous. Guy Pearce chews some scenery as a villain but doesn't stand out at all beyond that. Then there are the two tech guys, one on the bad side, although not a bad guy, and the other on the good side. They both felt like they were shoehorned into comic relief roles that just weren't funny. There are a plethora of scenes where they crack jokes or say something that is supposed to lighten the mood but end up coming off flat and even cringy. Adding to that the Vin Diesel trademark of being a subdued mumble hero and it feels like the whole thing lacks the energy it needs to keep the audience interested. It's like Bloodshot's nanites are sucking his power juice from the viewer's lifeforce, leaving them tired and sleepy. So while I can't comment on how close this was to an actual Bloodshot comic, as I don't know the first thing about. As a standalone movie, this one feels very middle of the line. Nothing really stands out, and yet somehow things feel dated. Which is an odd feeling to get after watching a movie from 2020. I would say Bloodshot would do in a pinch or if you need something on in the background. Other than that, unless you need your Diesel fix this one doesn't really entertain.
Alright, enough of the review. Time for the Official Action Movie Showdown Breakdown -
Superhero Fightery - 3/10 - The fights in this movie are poor at best. I understand that Bloodshot may be a little different than other heroes, but the action in this seems a bit too generic.
Diesel-Powered - 5/10 - Vin Diesel brings his patented hero mumble growl to this role but it may be more of a hindrance than a help. His cold and calm demeanor just adds to the boring grey tone of everything.
Sidekick Subtlety - 1/10 - Bloodshots sidekicks/team in this are a generic unfunny tech guy and lady friend in tights. They have little to know personalities as characters and add very little to the film.
Power Play - 3/10 - Bloodshots' powers are somewhat...unexplained. He has nanites that keep him alive, and do other things. Other than that, he is just a good soldier. It doesn't really make him all that interesting to watch.
Villainous Ineptitude - 2/10 - While Guy Pearce chewed some scenery near the end, he was so dull that I can't even remember his name. I can't call him robot arm guy, because he wasn't the only one with a robot arm.
BONUS POINTS!!!!!!!
None - BBBBOOOOOOOOO - I can't think of any scene or moment worth awarding a bonus for.
Final Score - 14 out of 50 - Bloodshot is generic, dull and a terrible way to start the Action Movie Showdown. At least the next movie has to be better, right?